I Called the Police

I'd never done that before, but yesterday events forced my hand.

Granted, it wasn't 911. I used the local number. But Still. I called the police. Why? Because we've been robbed twice over the past two weeks.

Milk thieves.

We currently get our milk delivered on Wednesday mornings, around 1am, I think. And sometime between then and 6:30 when I go to get it, someone takes a gallon. And since we get the growth hormone free whole milk, that amounts to about $5. Which sounded kinda lame when the officer who came by asked how much the total value of the milk was. "About $10," I told him.

So he's going to have a night patrol car in our area for a while.

Not that that is going to actually catch the thief. It may scare him off though, which means we'd get our milk again.

But to actually catch a thief we need something more. Thus, our plotting. Hiding behind the front door with a fully charged Digital SLR, ready to throw open the front screen to grab a snapshot of the criminal... giving us a shot of their back, or, even if we could get their face there's no way we could ID them. So, we must throw open then door and take them down--which means we'll need to get some police style zip ties...

Seriously. We've spent an hour this evening plotting.

Because, you know, we gotta protect the milk.

And if we can stop someone from further progressing in a life of crime, that's good too.

 ~Luke Holzmann
Filmmaker, Writer, Expectant Father

Sonlight 2009 Catalog

We just got our first Sonlight Catalog in the mail today!


Sonlight 2009 Catalog

My wife said, "Oh, I love catalogs! No one else can read it. ...wait, who am I turning into?"

 ~Luke Holzmann
Filmmaker, Writer, Expectant Father

Happy Birthday, Eduard!

Our son turned 7 yesterday.

Kyrgyz officials also met yesterday to discuss the future of adoptions from that country.

Today is a holiday in Kyrgyzstan, so we're not sure when we'll hear anything about that meeting, but we are praying that whatever is done is done soon and is best for the children of the 65 families who have already accepted referrals and are waiting for the paperwork to start moving.

To celebrate, we had ice cream:


Birthday Ice Cream

Happy Birthday, Eduard!

 ~Luke Holzmann
Filmmaker, Writer, Expectant Father

Jesus and Playboy

If you have a content filter running, this post just may be the worst thing it's ever encountered.


While doing research for my last post, I quickly stumbled across some... "interesting" [read: incriminating] information. Not only was Kyla a Hooters waitress^* at the time--perhaps she still is--but shortly after the incident with Southwest, she was approached by Playboy.

Playboy?

Yep. You know, the magazine that recently sent me an offer of twelve whole issues for only a buck a piece.

Those guys.

Thankfully, I had the presence of mind to get my wife to snap a picture so I could share the occasion with all of you <smile>.


Playboy: 12 Issues for $12

In fact, it turns out that Playboy seems to often approach the "rejected" and "disenfranchised" with open arms and camera lenses. After being rejected as a "rogue brand ambassador" for the Olive Garden, Playboy model Kendra Wilkinson put together an issue of Playboy devoted to The Girls of Olive Garden (the link is an article, not pictures <smile>).

What's interesting to me is that these girls take Playboy up on the offer and gladly pose nude for one of the largest porn--oh, I mean "Adult Entertainment"--magazines in the world.

For whatever reason, girls flock to Playboy when they feel rejected or slighted for being sexy.

All this reminds me of another time, long past, when similar girls would end up near Christ.

And that makes me wonder: What's changed?

 ~Luke Holzmann
Filmmaker, Writer, Expectant Father

^*If SI One was a bit much, you'll want to avoid this site

South by Southwest

What do these two women have in common?


Kyla and Bar

They have both been on a Southwest plane.

But Kyla, well, she was deemed to be dressed a little too skimpily to be allowed on Southwest's family friendly airplanes back in 2007.

Jump forward in time with me...

Now it's 2009, and, well, something has changed.

Because Southwest recently had an unveiling for their latest plane: The SI One.

Yes, that stands for Sports Illustrated--presumably the "Swimsuit Edition" because Ms. Refaeli is sprawled across the side of the plane in what would best be describe as "skimpy apparel."


Bar and Her SI One Plane

How does one spell "hypocrisy"?

Perhaps it is S-O-U-T-H-W-E-S-T....

 ~Luke Holzmann
Filmmaker, Writer, Expectant Father

Glimmer, Shred of Hope

My wife was reading some Kyrgyzstan adoption forums today that hinted that things were supposed to get moving again yesterday (January 12th).

I haven't heard anything official, so I almost don't dare to hope. But when you hear that a group is supposed to start signing dossiers this week, how can you not have a glimmer of hope?

But then there's the fear, both of it not coming true and of its possibility.

If this is just a rumor: Despair.

If it's not: Life will change forever.

So what to do with this shred of a rumor?

Pray, yes; but how?

Tears stay in my eyes, prayers in my chest, and my hope hangs precariously over my head. Is hearing unconfirmed rumblings worse than hearing nothing at all?

~Luke Holzmann
Filmmaker, Writer, Expectant Father

Economic Crisis and Soliciting

I came home today to see the surest sign of our economic crises taped to my door:


Solicitation

Obviously things are so hard right now that local businesses have resorted to hiring illiterate children to tape fliers to our doors. This particular paper was taped right over our NO SOLICITING sign.

It always makes me laugh.

~Luke Holzmann
Filmmaker, Writer, Expectant Father

Still Waiting on Kyrgyzstan

So, it's been over a month and a half since my last adoption update.

We have heard nothing in all that time.

For those of you patient enough to keep offering an occasional prayer for us, our children, and their country of origin, we still greatly appreciate it.


Perpetual prayers tend to bother me because I begin to feel like they are rote and ineffectual.

And waiting has been hard. I know that I'm adopting but it's something that I'm now passively doing. I don't feel like I'm involved in the process. I'm not excited. This whole thing seems more like an historical fact than a present reality.

I'm not feeling so great emotionally at the moment, so I don't really have anything else to say right now. It hasn't been the best day in my life.

Thank you all for your love, support and prayers.

~Luke Holzmann
Filmmaker, Writer, Expectant Father

Toilets and Whatever

As I reposed in the WC this morning, I got to thinking.

A common occurrence--both the thinking and the reposing.

How often do we think about "doing our business" and should we? I don't mean in a should we spend more time thinking about bowel movements? kind of way. Instead, I realized that it would be possible to argue, from Scripture, that we should not think about sitting on the pot.

How many times have you heard Philippians 4:8 quoted? I mean, the Bible clearly says that we should think about whatever is lovely and pure... and potty stuff isn't that. This mentality has been used to demonize all sorts of "less than holy" topics.

But then I got to thinking about the pot upon which I squat: Someone, who was not Thomas Crapper, had finally been fed up with his chamber pot (or whatever) and thought about how to make a better waste trap.

And I am grateful for that.

Furthermore, as I think back on the majority of Scripture, the Bible contains far more examples of things that are not true, honest, just, pure, lovely, of good report, virtuous, and worthy of praise. There is a ton of rather graphic sex and violence in the Bible.

Why?

Because we live here. We must learn to interact with a world that is far from God's perfect plan. We must learn from the past. We must remember and meditate on what others have been through in the past to make wise and godly choices in the present.

And, yes, it is good to think on whatever is perfect... but that does not mean that we should not/must not think on whatever is not.

I guess this all goes back to the Intent, Content, and Response mechanism: What is your intention behind your thoughts because that means far more than the content of them. And even more than that, what kind of response does what you are thinking about engender in you? Your motivation and the outcome matters far more than the thought itself.

So, yes, be careful what you dwell upon...

...but, please, feel free to think about toilets or whatever.

~Luke Holzmann
Filmmaker, Writer, Expectant Father

I171H

***ADOPTION UPDATE***

We got our I171H today!


I171H

So, now we get to send 18 documents to Washington, and after that we have the option of going to Kyrgyzstan to meet the kids. Unfortunately, in Washington you pay by the document, so, if my mental math is correct, we need to sign a couple dozen checks for a grand total of $2,164.

Yep, that's for the "processing" and courier fees to send 18 pieces of paper--well, okay, to be fair some of the documents are many more than a single sheet--back to the government that just sent them to us.

It's a streamlined process going on here.

~Luke Holzmann
Filmmaker, Writer, Expectant Father

Fingerprints and Signatures

We were able to get fingerprinted by the FBI and turn in our i600A on Friday. You can read more about that particular adventure over on my Sonlight Blog.

So, things are moving forward.

Well, sort of.

They've also moved a step or two back. See, we were able to get our medical reports notarized and everything, but then the papers were sent back stating that because the notary had not included her middle initial on the forms they were not acceptable.

Huh?

You've got to be kidding me. The whole point of a notary is so "they" can identify the person who said that, yes, this paper really was signed. ...so how can they be so mucked up by a missing initial?

Oh sure, I realize that it would be more proper to have every T crossed and every i dotted, but... seriously? So, now we have to find a time to go back to the doctor, have her re-fill out the form and get it notarized again... meaning we have to drag someone along for that too. <ugh>

Frustration.

But now that the 10th has passed, there's no longer any pressure. So, stress levels are down. But there's also less hope and direction too, so things feel more apathetic.

I would have posted a sweet picture of my thumbprint, but I couldn't get the scanner to pick it up as well as the FBI's sweet new digital print scanners, and we couldn't find any ink. Sorry team.

~Luke Holzmann
Filmmaker, Writer, Expectant Father

2 Weeks of "Processing"

I'm frustrated.

No, I'm more than that. But we'll leave it at that.


I realize that adopting costs a lot of money. I'm mentally prepared for $20K a kid (or more). That number is so huge I just let it go over me.

It's the little things that really get to me. Like the $20 check that I just wrote for the California Secretary of State so they will stamp my marriage license... again. Also, since we want to move this process along, we dropped the license, cover letter, and check off with FedEx on Wednesday. We paid over $30 for them to get it there by Thursday morning. We also included a return envelope which will cost another $20-$30.

So, seventy to eighty dollars for someone in the government to stamp our already officially stamped marriage license.

We'd been praying that it would get back into our hands today, or perhaps tomorrow.

I called to check up on it today and see if I could inspire a little nudge.

The girl on the phone was courteous, but assured me there was nothing she could do. And it would take two weeks for "processing."

So, I just shelled out $50-$60 to try to speed along a "process" that takes two weeks, for some reason... it must be hard for them to find a rubber stamp and ink.

I'm irate.

I tend to have less than positive thoughts and feelings toward our government as it is. This isn't helping.

~Luke Holzmann
Filmmaker, Writer, Expectant Father

From the Land Down Under

"He just smiled and gave me a Vegemite sandwich."


Men at Work: Land Down Under

After commenting on a string of posts by Mrs. C about her family's latest venture down Vegemite Lane, she offered to mail me some.

I, naturally, accepted. And it arrived today.

So, once we get some wheat-free bread made, we'll give this a "go" and see just how much I dislike it (all on video!). Definitely does not sound like something I would enjoy... but someone's gotta do the dirty work around here.


Vegemite

~Luke Holzmann
Filmmaker, Writer, Expectant Father

Splurge

The new Costco opened by our house today.

So we went over.


They have Wiis.

So we bought one.

Total splurge item.


Splurge

But Brittany is a gamer and has wanted one for a long, long time.

~Luke Holzmann
Filmmaker, Writer, Expectant Father

Medical Papers

We has them.


Medical Papers

Yep. We have finally submitted all of our papers for the homestudy... of course, over the couple of months it took to get everything together, we may have to resubmit a few papers with new information on them.


We knew we would need our medical papers notarized, but when we asked at Kaiser they informed us that our branch didn't have a notary.

Stuck again.

So while at morning prayer, I mentioned that I needed a notary for some paperwork. It turns out that one of my co-workers is a notary! We worked it out, and decided that Wednesday evening would work for everyone.

While Brittany and I were driving over, I realized that we hadn't discussed a meeting place. I quickly shot a prayer to heaven and said, "Please let us connect quickly and easily."

As we pulled into the parking lot, my co-worker pulled into the empty space one over from mine. The timing couldn't have been better.

We were able to drop off the papers the next day. Praise God!

And now the agency is pushing us to get our dossier done. Which is great. Perhaps by the end of the week we will be mostly done with the paperwork before us.

It would be great if we could do that!

~Luke Holzmann
Filmmaker, Writer, Expectant Father

Antidotal Anecdotes

One of my friends just got married.

Well, he's not really my friend in the traditional sense (he doesn't even know who I am), but I've been following his blog for a while now and feel like I know him. I respect him quite a bit, and I would hope that if we traveled in the same circles he would be willing to call me a friend as well.

I doubt we'd ever really be buddies, but I digress.

Friends.

Married.

As he himself wrote: "It’s been a very long engagement." But now he's hitched and "just trying to get used to the ring on my finger. And saying husband."

I've never really considered this question before: But will he be a better husband than I? Will he treat his spouse better than I? Will they have better sex than I?

Those aren't normal questions--or maybe they are, I guess I don't really know--but I'm asking them this time. Not because I'm really curious about the intimate affairs of my friend, or how those reflect on me, except for one very important detail:

His husband.

See, I'm not a perfect husband. In fact, I'd be willing to reveal that I'm not even a particularly good one. So what can I say to my homosexual friend and his husband?

If they're a better couple than Brittany and I, what does that say about the transforming power of Christ? Where does that put me in the eternal perspective? And what of other Christians, those myriad of others who, as is stated in the comments to his blog, "use marriage as a crutch to keep their relationship going", or worse, divorce?

What can I say to him?

What can I say to my homosexual uncle?

Thus far I've figured out: "Hi." And then I give him a hug.

Sure, Focus on the Family has some good arguments against same-sex unions (especially the argument of love), but I really don't think that's going to help anything here. I certainly don't think my friend would buy it.

So what would Jesus say to my friend?

I honestly don't know. And that's a tad bit frustrating.

~Luke Holzmann
Filmmaker, Writer, Expectant Father

A Farwell to Arms

I canceled my WoW subscription today.

''bout time,' some of you may be thinking. ...actually, my guess is that you don't think about that at all. And that's okay. But I do.

Due to our need for Health Insurance, I took a new job. The job is pretty cool, but now I devote twice as much time to it than I was working before. That's a pretty big change in lifestyle. My income has also changed. But I didn't know by how much, so I was little excite/apprehensive when I opened my check today.

I was elated.

'Wow,' I thought, 'I'm making about $200 a week more now! Sweet, I'll be able to pay for the kids to have food when they come.'

And then it hit me like a ton of bricks dropped from the Empire State Building with spikes laden with poison from a brown recluse:

I get paid every two weeks now.

Yep, I just took a $320 a month pay cut.


I cried.

I was so happy for a minute. Life was great.

I'm tearing up again just writing this.

Elation to despair in less than half a second.

My wife is right: This will all work out. We'll find a way to slash our already tight budget. We'll make it.

And we will. As someone recently read: Don't confuse your Provider with your employer. How true. How painfully, horribly true.

I guess it was time to update my certification in trust.

~Luke Holzmann
Filmmaker, Writer, Expectant Father

Firefox 3

This was too important to pass up:

Firefox 3 is going to be released tomorrow. Download it June 17, 2008 and help set a world record.

Do it!

Download Firefox 3 here.

~Luke Holzmann

Shades of Awesome

Yesterday was a roller coaster.

And I don't like roller coasters. All of a sudden, seemingly out of nowhere, we potentially had three kids, at least one of them schooling age. The number was perfect, the gender was perfect, the ethnicity was perfect. And yet we feared to hope. It was exciting, no, thrilling, but also terrifying. And sobering. We could be the parents of a four year old in a couple of months. Whoa. Talk about a reality check.

Brittany said to me, "Wouldn't it be awesome if we got the pictures of them tonight instead of tomorrow morning?" It would be unlikely, but pretty cool.

At about 8pm Brittany asked me, as I was about to go watch another episode of Firefly with Jason, "Do you want to see some pictures of the kids?"

I would post pictures here, but I don't think I'm allowed to. Sorry. Wish I could.

We've been praying that our kids will be healthy and beautiful in all ways. The kids look really healthy. The older girl is probably 4-5, and the boy is 5-6ish. Much older than we've been thinking. The younger girl is adorable.

I've often worried, over the course of my life, that I wouldn't think my children were beautiful. I've seen some ugly kids. And what do their parents think of them, especially since everyone tells you, "You'll find your children adorable because they're yours"? I'm not sure how the logic follows. It sounds like a twisted version of "love is blind", but I digress. The point is: They lied to me.

[NB: RvB is not suitable to those who are bothered by language and inappropriate verbal content, and the above link has some language directly following the quote.]

The kids look like Russian Bouncers. It's time for brutal honesty because, as Brittany pointed out, if we don't talk about it now it will come back to "bite us in the butt" later. It's hard to tell what they really look like. The poor photography, pudgy sullen faces, the hideous short haircuts (probably to reduce lice), and ill-fitting clothes don't inspire cries of, "You are so sweet!"

And so I'm torn.

Are these our kids? Some families recognize their children right away. Others don't. And I don't really know.

There are some major pros to adopting slightly older children, but we hadn't really been considering it. And jumping into being the parents of three children, homeschooling, and dealing with kids who will very much remember their life in Kyrgyzstan and have who knows what kinds of feelings about that, having to learn a new language, and dealing with whatever got them to be available to join our family are rather daunting thoughts.

Time for a Confession of an Expecting Father: My fantasy was that my little girls would be gorgeous, adorable, more on the lithe Swedish/Iceland than stocky Russian side. And these girls may be just that, or become that way once they shed their baby fat. With hair and a smile the girls may be adorable, but I can't tell. The boy will certainly grow up to be a heartthrob.

But will I be disappointed if they aren't gorgeous? Will the girls pick up on that and develop a complex? Will I gravitate to one of the kids and so neglect the others? It sounds so shallow to say, but "I wanted pretty girls!" ...but who wants ugly kids?

Brittany has been saying frequently about how it would be "so many shades of awesome" if this or that happened. And "shades of awesome" is how I feel: This could be great, but there are some shadows that have me worried.

Sorry for the rambling thoughts and disjointed ideas. My mind doesn't feel completely sane at the moment, and my thoughts don't seem to be making a lot of sense.

I think I'm feeling a tad overwhelmed.

I wish I was more collected; writing with a point, a purpose and a lesson. But for the following days I'm afraid this blog will be more of a journal to record my thoughts for future reference than for potentially brilliant insights.

Sorry.

~Luke Holzmann

The News

Brittany called me at about 8:50 this morning at work.

"Guess what."

She got a call from the adoption agency.

"How many were you looking to adopt?"

Brittany replied, "We're looking at up to three."

"You're not going to believe this..."

Turns out that a sibling group of three just became available. They are a little older than we have been thinking, but if these are our kids, then great! What's more: There are two girls and a boy. And they look "very Russian". In a country that is 80% Asian, the 3-5 year-old girl has blue eyes.

We're supposed to get pictures tomorrow.


Thrilled and Terrified

And I was supposed to work after that.

What's crazy is that we are getting a referral, of sorts, and we haven't even completed the paperwork for the US yet. So there are still a ton of things that need to come together. I need to get hired at a company that will give me health insurance (have to have that before we can move forward), we need to complete the Dossier, and then we're really moving.


Over the past two weeks, I've been really stressed out, frustrated, and even a little depressed because I've been stuck at health insurance. We were flying through the process right into a brick wall.


Health Insurance

So yesterday I felt like I couldn't do anything, like I was completely stuck until the health insurance worked out.

Today proved that wrong. I could do something. I could get excited.

~Luke Holzmann