One of my friends just got married.
Well, he's not really my friend in the traditional sense (he doesn't even know who I am), but I've been following his blog for a while now and feel like I know him. I respect him quite a bit, and I would hope that if we traveled in the same circles he would be willing to call me a friend as well.
I doubt we'd ever really be buddies, but I digress.
Friends.
Married.
As he himself wrote: "It’s been a very long engagement." But now he's hitched and "just trying to get used to the ring on my finger. And saying husband."
I've never really considered this question before: But will he be a better husband than I? Will he treat his spouse better than I? Will they have better sex than I?
Those aren't normal questions--or maybe they are, I guess I don't really know--but I'm asking them this time. Not because I'm really curious about the intimate affairs of my friend, or how those reflect on me, except for one very important detail:
His husband.
See, I'm not a perfect husband. In fact, I'd be willing to reveal that I'm not even a particularly good one. So what can I say to my homosexual friend and his husband?
If they're a better couple than Brittany and I, what does that say about the transforming power of Christ? Where does that put me in the eternal perspective? And what of other Christians, those myriad of others who, as is stated in the comments to his blog, "use marriage as a crutch to keep their relationship going", or worse, divorce?
What can I say to him?
What can I say to my homosexual uncle?
Thus far I've figured out: "Hi." And then I give him a hug.
Sure, Focus on the Family has some good arguments against same-sex unions (especially the argument of love), but I really don't think that's going to help anything here. I certainly don't think my friend would buy it.
So what would Jesus say to my friend?
I honestly don't know. And that's a tad bit frustrating.
~Luke Holzmann
Filmmaker, Writer, Expectant Father
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16 comments:
Hi, Luke! I decided to visit with you since you've been visiting with me at Fish Fell Academy. One of the people that I love most in the world is a homosexual male. He is a precious person. He's like a brother to me. I love him so much. He insists that God is OK with his choices. I disagree, but who am I to judge? Frankly, I've never wondered if his s** life is better than mine! But, hey, you got me to scratching my head.
Donna,
Thanks for coming by!
See, I disagree that God is okay with those choices too. But the problem is that while we are certainly not the people to judge--I know I do plenty of things God is not okay with me doing--God has made a judgment about the homosexual lifestyle and my sins as well.
I pray that someday we will be able to stop scratching our heads and figure out what we are supposed to be doing and saying to our friends who are sinners like us. I feel it has something to do with "spurring each other on to good works", but I'm not sure how.
Thanks again for stopping by. I appreciate your feedback.
~Luke
The question was ...What would Jesus say?
I believe he would say something like "I Love You, I do not like your lifestyle and I would never condone it. All I can do is love you and intercede and hope Holt Spirit talks to your heart and convicts you. But I died for you because of sin and to me SIN IS SIN. Whether it is abortion,immorality,or smoking, it is all the SAME to me." My daughter is in an alternative relationship now and I may not agree with it but I love her just the same and maybe someday she will remember what she knows in her heart to be true.
Personally, I see it this way. Everyone has a struggle. I know someone who struggles with being faithful to her spouse, someone who struggles to be pure in his "single-ality", and yes, someone who struggles with homosexuality (actually, I know two people who struggle with this and believe it to be wrong, yet indulge anyway).
Are their sins more than my own or others? I think not.
Anyway, it's complicated, isn't it.
What I REALLY came here to say is that I LOVE your post for Heart of the Matter (hehe... I read it already... even though it hasn't posted yet). It was superdeduperty great.
Mandy,
Thanks so much for your thoughts. I agree with you, but this whole thing is complicated.
And thanks for your comments about my post. I appreciate it very much!
~Luke
Luke,
I came upon your blog today and read your latest post. Although I would never try to speak for God, I believe if we read the words He's given us the answer is there......
Romans 1:24-27 is pretty simple to understand. Homosexuality is a sin.
Is one sin greater than another?
No.
Does that make it any less a sin?
No.
Does He love us even when we sin?
Yes. But He can not abide sin.
I think the real question is....
How much do we love Him?
God teaches us to hate the sin yet love the sinner. Not accept the sin....but rather to detest it.
I pray that you will be able to teach your friend the truth and that his heart will be open to it.
God's wish is that we all come to repentance.
No one can say I am without sin, but God knows our hearts. He knows our motives. He knows if we are striving daily to walk in His light and happen to mess up or if we blatantly choose to go against His word.
I don't know if this was any help at all. Sorry! Continue to be the example that your friend needs. Encourage him in truth. God will see you through.
~Mary
Luke,
I dropped by to return the hello that you left on my blog earlier today.
This is a great post. It shows sensitivity, a willingness to learn, and a desire to be an authentic follower of Christ. To admit that you don’t have all the answers is the first step toward wisdom. And you are right to look to Christ, the author of wisdom, for those answers.
The kids and I are working our way through the book of Isaiah right now. Isaiah writes whole chapters about the sins of those who are not God’s chosen people but I find myself in the midst of these verses becoming heartbroken over my own sin. I think this is what God wants for His people today, to have us pursue Him and obey Him whole heartedly, to be willing to let him strip away the veneer of pride that we so casually dress ourselves in. We can do something about these things. Strive to be the exceptional husband.
I, too, have friends and family members who are far from the ways of God. I love them and I grieve for them and bring them before the Lord frequently. He knows the way to their heart far better than I. If the opportunity comes, I am certainly prepared to share God’s mercy and grace but in the meantime I live my life authentically before them. And who knows?
God has given you a burden for this man. Do not take it lightly. Pray. And who knows?
Kate
Mary and Kate (I feel like I'm missing Ashley <smile>),
Thanks so much for commenting. Your thoughts are very honest and insightful. I appreciate it!
~Luke
Thank you soo much for your dear prayer. I am glad to hear of your experience and hope she has the same.
Thank you for coming by. I will visit your blog as I see you have some valid points that I agree with and cause me to think as well about what Jesus would say and do in our world.
Thanks again
Lori
A very close friend of my family had a son who was in a homosexual relationship. I say "had," because this young man died at a young age. In the seven years since his death, we have been blessed to see the boyfriend of the deceased son come forward and care for the mother of his former boyfriend in a way that is nothing short of amazing--no matter what sexual preferences you profess. I admit that God has used this man to challenge me and to bring me to a place where I can no longer "prioritize" sin.
Difficult, indeed.
Lori, thanks for stopping by! I am very happy to pray for needs. Thanks for the opportunity.
Mary Grace, thanks so much for sharing.
~Luke
Luke,
I just found your blog off of a comment you made on Jess' blog at "Making Home." Frankly, I had to peek at your blog because it's so rare that you see a man commenting on "Making Home!" But, once I was here, I was really compelled by what I read. I think this post, though it gives no answers, asks some extremely pertinent questions. I respect you so much for recognizing that the standard evangelical response, "Hate the sin, love the sinner" just doesn't fly with a committed gay couple. That sort of respect and recognition is inspiring to see, perhaps because it rarely is seen. I don't know what Jesus would do, either. But, it's certainly worth pondering. Sometimes, I think He would just say, "I love you," and then let His Spirit do any transforming work that needs to be done. And what that needed transformation is, what mortal can say?
~Bethany
Bethany,
Thank you for your kind words and excellent reminders.
Exactly.
~Luke
Ouch. You know what I think? God put you in their lives for a reason. I am very prejudiced against homosexuals. I know this is a weakness that only God can help me with. I am trying, but He will need to help me if I ever am put in one's life. In the meantime, I don't personally know anyone like that. For good reason, I'm sure. I just don't think I have what it takes to help. Anyway, I'll say a prayer for ya.
PS: Here is a link to a post I just did on Ray Boltz. What is especially significant to me is the the testimony at the end given in a woman's comment, which she left on someone else's blog. There is a really encouraging part about a homosexual man who was delivered from it and was finally sexually attracted to his wife after having struggled with gay tendencies. Very powerful.
Farrah,
May God continue to lead all of us into a place where we love people properly and encourage one another to become more like Him.
This world is not an easy place to live within.
~Luke
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