Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Glimmer, Shred of Hope

My wife was reading some Kyrgyzstan adoption forums today that hinted that things were supposed to get moving again yesterday (January 12th).

I haven't heard anything official, so I almost don't dare to hope. But when you hear that a group is supposed to start signing dossiers this week, how can you not have a glimmer of hope?

But then there's the fear, both of it not coming true and of its possibility.

If this is just a rumor: Despair.

If it's not: Life will change forever.

So what to do with this shred of a rumor?

Pray, yes; but how?

Tears stay in my eyes, prayers in my chest, and my hope hangs precariously over my head. Is hearing unconfirmed rumblings worse than hearing nothing at all?

~Luke Holzmann
Filmmaker, Writer, Expectant Father


Mrs. C said...

Luke, to my mind you're not an expectant father at all. To my mind, you are already their father NO MATTER what happens. I continue to lift up this situation daily because TRULY only God can orchestrate it. You're having to put your children into the Lord's hands in a way I can only imagine.

I think you should go on hoping. Maybe even have a bag packed. I really do. We need more hopeful people out there. :]

Julie said...

Oh Luke, I just cannot even imagine what you're going through. But, man, have hope. If you're disappointed, it doesn't hurt more--it's excruciating either way, right? It's always better to have hope.
Lord, I lift Luke and Brittany up to you today. Lord give them the strength, the hope, the patience they need. Lord protect their children as only you can. Let those babies know Mom and Dad are coming. Let Mom and Dad know it's ok, too. Lord be with them today an in the coming weeks (?) as they go forward with Your hope, Your love and Your power in them. Lord, please speed this process, they want to do your will, they want to shine Your love through to their children.
In Jesus' sweet and Holy name, Amen.

It's gonna be ok. I'd hug ya if I could.

Lisa said...

I have to tell you a great story of faith. In a nut shell.
My good friend was wanting to adopt a child. She and her husband decided to foster first. They received an infant girl. Had her for nine months. The state took her from them and gave her back to her birth parents. My friend Prayed and believed with a hope like I had never seen. She believed that little girl was theirs. She continued to buy cloths for her as if she were there. She purchased a larger vehicle. Six months past. She stood on the word. Never losing faith. Some people thought she had lost it completely. She now has that little girl. They got her back 9 months later. With God all things are possible. I will pray with you and agree those children are already yours!

Alyssa said...

Mr. Holzman,

Thank you for your kind words on my blog post and for your input on my GGM article! I think film-making and writing are wonderful, too :).

I hope everything works out great for you and your family regarding the adoption process!

Soli Deo Gloria,

Trying Traditional said...

Once you have received pictures ANY news is something to get you through the days or weeks until you get the next bit of news. A pregnancy you know will not last much past a certain date. Adoption is so full of paperwork, timelines that change, and governments that any little bit is something!

December was the 2-year anniversary of bringing home our twins from Vietnam. It was a journey that stregthened my faith in the God that created all that is. If your interested in our journey, my adoption blog (no longer write there) is www.2moretolove.blogspot.com Be prepared for whining, though. Looking back, I see God's hand guiding everything...even the two extra weeks alone in Vietnam and the travel home alone. With the daily distractions at home, I'm not sure the twins and I would have bonded so strongly as we did those couple weeks. Without being somehow able to travel halfway around the world on my own I would not have made it home in time for the tax credit...sounds stupid but God knew a major and unplanned home repair (the $10K type) that nearly has in bankruptcy to this day.
I didn't question God through it all, though. I would have given anything to cry out for prayer at the time but didn't want communist officials confiscating my laptop. I knew that we went through the process with His leading and I know to this day that the way things fell was His plan and providence.

Look forward to the day when the ups and downs are long gone and your house is a mess of toys, socks, and books...when your bed is invaded every Saturday morning...when someone small holds your hand on the way to church before taking off running to sunday school yelling "see you later" over their shoulder. It's all worth it, every penny, every tear and yes ever dealing with each government.

Ummm, sorry about the book in your comments. I just found your blog today while searching about homeschool curriculum and couldn't resist commenting and wishing God's hand on your adoption!

deb said...

You've gotten such kind and wise words of hope from the respondents to your blog that all I can do is assure you that you are in my prayers.

Tony C said...

I will be praying for you and your family. I have personally benefited from the prayers of other people (some I didn't know like you), so I figure it is the least I can do.

What a wonderful gift to be able to talk to the Father.

God bless.

Jenn said...

I've not been around for the history of your situation, but am joining you in prayer now.

Shannon said...

Someone once told me, adoption is not for the faint of heart. And till one has traveled the adoption road, they can not begin to comprehend that statement, can they? I am pretty sure the days of waiting, somehow really do become longer than a normal day. It is like a roller coaster ride, that never ever ends. But, it will, one day. And the entire wait and ride make sense. Does not make it easier though, and I know it is horrible and there is really nothing to say because nothing really helps. Till your children are home, where they should be. I pray it is soon.

Kimmie said...

Luke, praying for movement, adoptions can be so frustrating...but I promise you looking back 'all this' will fade away and your joy will be complete.

Okay, I screwed up my header. The lady who made it for me sent me an update (new adoption number) I copied it into my files and tried to copy it...something went wrong because it is telling me it is a corrupt file. Any ideas?

She just sent is as a corrected picture (of the header)...no code, do I need code?


Kimmie said...

Dear Luke...;-)

By an act of God I was able to fix it...that and I yelled, hey kids pray! Prayer does work, the header is all set. Sigh, sigh...thanks for the offer to help. I was worried I screw it up majorly, as I tried to put it back in...the whole header area on my 'customize' vanished...thought I had deleted the header option permenantly.

thanks for the offer to come to my rescue...God bless you dear friend.

mama to 7
one homemade and 6 adopted

FULL OF JOY said...

Praying for you, God's timing can be confusing huh?

(HYSTERICAL comment on Natalies blog by the way)

This Country Girl said...


I'm not sure how long you all have been waiting with your adoption, but I really do know how you feel. It seems like forever, yet yesterday for us going through the adoption process, as Colt is almost 20 now. I'll put you and your family on our prayer list that things move along smoothly and that you get good news soon! I just tried to envision our family all together and told myself this part "too shall pass", and it did...it's just hard to wait!

Hang in there! Thanks for your visits to my blog and the comments as well!

Have a great weekend!

SlushTurtle said...

Ugh. I remember the waiting, the terrible, terrible waiting. And the rumors and the worry and terror. Praying for your strength and for calm, peaceful hearts. Praying for those sweet children, that they will not be without loving forever families for one day longer than they have to.

Jill said...

We are in our own place of waiting...we have only been at since June, and some days I wonder where is the child that is to be in our family. We find ourselves including him/her in events and plans...I am guessing that is our faith in action. We will be including your family in our daily prayers of making families complete by the power of our God.

Kindred Blessings said...

I'm praying for you that the adoption will go just according to God's plan.

Thanks for the kind and encouraging comments on my blog. Blessings to you and your family!

Deanna in CO said...

Dear Luke,

I realize I'm a bit late with this, since I just discovered your personal blog (I've been watching your SL blog for a while now). But I want you and Brittany to know you are in my prayers.

We adopted our younger daughter almost 9 years ago. It was a domestic adoption, but like you, we had to do a lot of waiting before the right child finally joined our family. I remember well how difficult that waiting period can be.

Please know that God's plan in all this waiting is perfect. If we had ended up waiting less time, we'd have ended up with a different child - and the whole picture would have been very different. You never know just what is happening - in your own lives and in those of your children's - that is necessary in order for God to work out His perfect plan in your lives.

I'm praying for you!

Terry said...

Boy, do I understand! I don't know how long you've been waiting, but adoption is a real test of faith...especially when the process changes mid-stream. I think Hait changes almost monthly! As for rumors, I was always told not to listen, but at least they give a glimmer of hope for a day or so.

Best advice I have, stay busy and keep focused on the One who is ultimately in control...

Carie said...

Waiting is the most terrible thing sometimes, but we tend to learn much from it. When we were struggling with the infertility treatments that blessed us with son #3 the waiting was agonizing. I can truly feel your pain. I am praying and hoping with you that things will speed up for you!

Tiffany said...

Waiting on adoption paper work was soooo hard. I can't imagine what it's like when the country is having trouble processing that paper work. Praying for you and your wife.

Steve and April said...

Praying! Adopting is hard , especially the waiting. It was hard when we waited to adopt a baby when I was 17 ... and it was my parents, not me. I imagine it's so much harder as the expectant parents than the expectant sibling. Praying for speedy processes and blessings on your waiting children.

April E. (ElCloud)

Metamorphosis said...

Hey Luke-

Stay in hope. You bring into your life the things you focus on. Focus on the happiness and joy this would create in your life. Focus on all the love you have to give and simply allow God to bring it to you. Don't worry about the timing. Just know that in God there is abundance, and in that knowing, you will find the peace you need to carry through until you recieve your desire.


ByHISgoodGrace said...

Definitely praying for you...! God's perfect will be done. In the meantime, I pray for peace and focus on Christ.

Bailey's Leaf said...

Adoptive mama here. We chose to domestically adopt, but had the wait. Prayers to you that not be "expecting" much longer.

Luke said...

I never have words with which to reply to all of your wonderful comments. They are very appreciated (along with your prayers). Thank you, thank you, thank you!


Luke said...

I'm sorry that I can't find the words to reply to your wonderful comments.

Please keep the prayers coming. We need them! And we definitely appreciate your prayers as well!